Self love vs couple love this Valentines

As we embark on February, love is all around us, or at least that's what it feels like. The shops are filled with red hearts, and the air is filled with messages of love and affection. But amidst all this, I find myself wishing we promoted self-love just as much. The love for the people we are, but this often gets overlooked in our search for meaning through others.

So, my challenge to you is: how can you add a bit of self-love into your February? Here are seven different ways to cultivate self-love, and I hope you'll join me on this journey.

Physical Self-Love

We can challenge ourselves to take care of our bodies and look after ourselves. This can be done through good self-care, taking some time to have a pamper day or challenge yourself to eat more healthily. Start small by adding a healthy snack or meal to your week. We often forget that a good sleep routine is important too. I often compare our bodies to being like a mobile phone. We rely on it, so we take care to plug it into the charger regularly, in the same way we only have one body, so we should charge it with the things we need.

Think about it: when was the last time you took a long, warm bath, or went for a walk in nature? These small acts of self-care can make a big difference to our physical and mental well-being. So, why not start today? Take a few minutes each day to do something that nourishes your body, whether it's a yoga class, a cup of herbal tea, or a good night's sleep.

Emotional Self-Love

We can often suppress our feelings, but it is important to be open and honest about how we are feeling. This also involves protecting your time and spending it with people who nourish you. I know that for some, setting boundaries can be really difficult, but part of loving yourself is accepting that it is okay to say no and to back out of plans.

It's time to stop people-pleasing and start putting ourselves first. It's okay to say, "I'm not okay, and I need some time to myself." It's okay to set boundaries and prioritize our own emotional well-being. Remember, you can't pour from an empty cup, so make sure you're filling yours up first.

Mental and Intellectual Self-Love

Have you ever really had a passion for something, but a little voice in your head tells you “don’t even try”? The thing is, you never know until you try what you will or won't enjoy. I’ve tried myself to take the attitude that it's not like school. There are no rules. I can try once or twice, and if I don’t like it, I can try again. I've tried various things over the years from studying theology to theatre and had some great experiences due to this attitude. I bet you might too!

So, what's that thing you've always wanted to try? That book you've wanted to write, that course you've wanted to take, that instrument you've wanted to learn? Now's the time to give it a go. Don't let fear hold you back – you never know what you might discover about yourself.

Self-Compassion

I often ask my clients one question: would you treat a friend the way you treat yourself? I can honestly say I have not yet once heard the answer yes to this question in the counselling room. We often give other people more compassion than we give ourselves, and I urge you to stop this. Start asking yourself “am I being too harsh on myself?”, keep a list of strengths made on a positive day for you to read on a low day. Never forget you are the best friend you have!

Let's practice self-compassion, not just for others, but for ourselves. Let's be kind to ourselves, and acknowledge that we're doing the best we can. And when we mess up, let's not beat ourselves up – let's learn from it and move forward.

Self-Responsibility

Taking ownership of your actions, decisions, and happiness is a powerful act of self-love. When we look at the February message of love, we can often be persuaded to invest ourselves fully into our relationships with other people. I challenge you to turn this on its head and invest love into yourself. We can often sit passively observing our own life waiting for approval from others when the truth is you are in charge. So ask yourself what really makes me happy and plan out small steps to get there.

You are in charge of your life, and it's time to take the reins. What do you want? What makes you happy? What are your values, your passions, your dreams? Take small steps towards them, and don't let anyone – or anything – hold you back.

Spiritual Self-Love

For me, spiritual self-love is about connecting with something bigger than ourselves. It's about finding meaning and purpose, and nurturing our souls. This can be through prayer, meditation, nature, or whatever speaks to you.

Take time to connect with your spiritual side, whether it's through a Bible course, a walk in nature, or simply sitting in silence. Nourish your soul, and let it guide you towards self-love and acceptance.

Social Self-Love

Finally, social self-love is about surrounding ourselves with people who love and support us. It's about building healthy relationships that nourish our souls, and letting go of those that drain us.

Take a look at your relationships – are they lifting you up, or dragging you down? It's time to surround yourself with people who make you feel seen, heard, and loved for who you are.

So, this February, let's make a commitment to prioritize self-love. Let's challenge ourselves to try new things, to take care of our bodies, to nourish our souls, and to love ourselves just as we are. We deserve it, don't we?